


nothing hurts like the almost

by blackfeatherquills



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, One Sided Love, also this is extremely angsty, also tony is going to read it because ....... i want to know what it said, let's talk about the unread message on the flip phone okay okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackfeatherquills/pseuds/blackfeatherquills
Summary: ever since he gets it, tony carries it around like its a lifeline.flip phone shenanigans and what the unread text from steve said.post ca:cw stony angst.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	nothing hurts like the almost

Ever since he gets it, Tony carries it around like its a lifeline 

It's a piece of shit flip phone. He knows he should stick it in a desk drawer and forget about it unless the world goes to hell. Or he should blast it to bits with the repulsors, and watch it shatter into a million tiny pieces. Because it's from Steve. Steve who, in Siberia, straddled him and tore the armor off his face, leaving Tony defenseless, bleeding, and with eyes gone cold had slammed his shield into Tony's chest. The armor had done its best, but Tony had still been bedridden for weeks.

But he doesn’t get rid of it because it’s from _Steve._ Steve who used to be his friend, who used to reach his hand down to Tony to help him off the street after getting knocked on his ass with a playful and exasperated grin on his face, Steve who despite his unwillingness to define what they were would bend down and press a warm kiss to Tony’s lips when they fucked, Steve who Tony had admired since he was a child and grown to love. Because he loved him, that was for sure. Even if Steve hadn’t known, Tony had. 

But then Siberia happened, and things got complicated. Not that they weren’t before – fucking your childhood idol while being in love with him but not knowing exactly how he felt about you while the two of you were leading what some in the press had called “Earth’s mightiest heroes” was already pretty fucking complicated. 

But now Tony doesn’t know what to feel. Whenever he thinks of Steve, it’s a strange cocktail of “Fuck you” and “Come home” that he isn’t sure how to reconcile. Sometimes, when he thinks of Steve, he flips the phone open and stares at the only contact and thinks about calling. When he’s drunk, he almost does. But then Rhodey or Pepper or Happy will mercifully appear out of nowhere (he blames FRIDAY – he always did make his AIs too smart for their own good), and the phone will vanish to his bedside table. He’ll wake up, and see the phone, and the cycle begins again. 

But one morning, Tony wakes up. He only looks at the phone once, before he shoves it in his pocket. He calls Pepper and asks her out for breakfast. She says yes. They talk, they laugh, and maybe, just maybe….he can see a future with her. A future where he’s happy. 

And then, a few weeks later, he wakes up in the morning, Pepper tangled in the sheets beside him, to see the flip phone by his bedside, blinking. Tony’s heart leaps and catches somewhere in his throat. 

He trembles, legs shaking as he pulled himself out of bed. He takes the phone to the other room – he doesn’t know why checking the phone feels like something he shouldn’t do with Pepper sleeping next to him, but he can’t shake the urge to look at it in private. What if it was Steve, calling him to say, “Hey, world is ending, best of luck”, or Steve dying, alone and afraid and needing him? That was what the phone was for, after all. Emergencies only.

He flips the phone open.  
_  
1 New Text Message from Steve Rogers._

A text. A text wasn’t an emergency. A text was an afterthought. He was an afterthought. The fury rose, uncontrollable, choking him and boiling his blood. Fuck you, Tony thinks, and slams the phone shut. 

The message lingers in the back of his mind, and he’s always thinking about it. What could he have to say to him, after all this time? Tony rubs his chest absentmindedly, a phantom ache that he can’t ever quite shake. He suddenly wonders if Howard would have taken Steve’s side. The hero he created or the son he despised? He takes a deep, steadying breath, and retreats to his workshop for his fallback – the suits. He’ll build a thousand of them if it means keeping Steve Rogers out of his head. 

He tells FRIDAY to plug in all the analysis from their fight in Siberia. He rubs his chest again. Steve won’t ever hurt him like that again – he won’t ever get close enough to Tony to try. He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

He stays down there even when Pepper calls him up to bed, and he sees something shift in her eyes, like she’s remembering why they broke up the first time – because the truth is, he thinks he’s too fucked up for her, that he’s too much of a mess for the force that is Miss Pepper Potts. 

He takes a deep, steadying breath. Pulls the phone out of his pocket and looks at the blinking screen. He has to rip the band aid off some time, right? He sits, hard, tells FRIDAY to lock the door, and opens the message. 

_Steve Rogers: We were so close Tony. So close to something perfect.  
Steve Rogers: You know I loved you. You have to know that. You know that, right?_

And it fucking _hurts_. It hurts like Steve had just slammed his shield into Tony’s chest, over and over and over, until Tony couldn’t breathe any longer. Steve had never said anything like that when they were together – never, not even once. Tony had always been the one to say, “I love you,” in the throes of passion, or sleepily curled up in bed next to him, or after Steve saved his life on the battlefield and everyone else thought it was a joke. 

And Steve had said _nothing_. 

He doesn’t know what to say. It’s been weeks since Steve sent the message – Tony wonders if Steve even remembers he sent it. He wonders absentmindedly if he regrets it. These could very well be the last words he ever says to Steve Rogers, and he wants to make them count. 

All the options swirl around his head. _I love you? I still love you, even after you fucked me up so badly I think it might be beyond repair? You were everything I ever wanted, and I could never quite tell if I wanted to fuck you or be you, or maybe it was both? Everything that I did was better because you did it with me?_

Finally, Tony decides to go with his heart. Why the hell not – Steve had already broken it a thousand times over. He might as well put it out there. It wasn’t as if there was much left for Steve to break. 

_Tony Stark: Fuck you.  
Tony Stark: Come home._

**Author's Note:**

> phew! i've had this idea rolling around in my head for a few days, hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> I am my own beta so any mistakes are my own. sorry about the ones that I didn't catch! 
> 
> title is from [this](https://poeticsuggestions.tumblr.com/post/161830614712/maybe-if-i-had-done-something-differently-cb) tumblr post. 
> 
> feel free to check me out on [tumblr](https://starprincetony.tumblr.com) and talk about stony, send requests, or just chill. 
> 
> thanks as always for reading <3


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